Roses For December
by Major Zazu Fangirl
Summary: KOS-MOS is no longer machine, but does that mean she can love? My big KOS-MOS and chaos fanfiction begins! RR


Roses For December  
  
  
  
I  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
(contains references to "To Fall in Love With a Weapon," go read it if you haven't yet!!)  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I never had a childhood, parents, or a real home. I never grew up with the absurd, naive, yet innocent dreams of a child. I never had hopes of residing in a castle, wearing a long pink dress with puffy sleeves and fine white lace while a tiara of gold and jewels adorned my head. I never regaled tales of my daydreams of my name in lights or a thousand fans cheering me on as I sing my hit love ballad. I never thought endlessly of the prince whom I would marry and the many, many children we would have. Childhood was to be treasured, the simplicity of youth to build the foundation to the challenges of life afterwards. I never had that. I never had the innocence. I was a weapon blindly following orders from the second I awoke.  
  
Yet, here I sit, my hands against a foggy window staring at the snowfall.  
  
The innocence of childhood came... a little late for me. I love the first snowfall of December; I can sit here and smile like an infant for hours. A calm December snowfall, a fire crackling to provide warmth and light, quiet piano music in the background, and my white porcelain vase filled with two dozen red roses. These days, that's all it takes to make me happy. Fifty years of memories, I treasure them all... both the good and the bad... They would be nothing had it not been for you. You were the one who gave me purpose in life, the one who let me have dreams... the one who made those dreams come true. You held me when I was frightened, laughed with me when I couldn't hold back my excitement, loved me unconditionally. For fifty years of love and memories, that single snowfall, two dozen roses and one I can still cherish everyday...  
  
Thank you. It was all because of you.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"It's hard to believe, isn't it?" Ms. Nina Danier, a wealthy 30-year-old manager of a Second Miltia Realian manufacturing corporation and the heart of the city's gossip and rumor mill talked amongst the many guests. Very little ever got past the slim red-headed loudmouth, who could reveal the nitty-gritty of any rich person's life on a whim, "All the information they kept from me! Vector must've stitched their mouths closed for the last two years!"  
  
"Then since they've done such a good job, maybe they could keep you quiet for a week," her younger step-sister mumbled before taking a long sip of wine.  
  
Of course, Nina was too busy talking to hear her perfectly, but she still got the gist of it and was appalled, "I beg your pardon!?" All she got for as a reply was a loud sip of wine and a departure towards the buffet table. Nina scoffed and noticed someone in the crowd, "Oh! Ms. Uzuki!" she rushed up to the red-headed chief engineer, dressed in a long black dress and a formal yet fashionable jacket, and offered her hand, "I'm Nina Danier, I own the city's main manufacturer of Realians. I have also designed several prototypes myself."  
  
"Oh, of course," Shion shook her hand, trying to be polite. She was one of the many people who were aware of Ms. Danier's favorite pastime.  
  
"I am simply welling up with excitement, I cannot wait to see her. It is getting a little late, Ms. Uzuki, you know?" she was right, it was past nine and even the late guests have been here for over an hour.  
  
Shion nodded nervously and tried to smile, "She-she'll be here very soon... excuse me, would you?" she quickly walked over to the other side of the ballroom where Allen and other various members of the project stood looking as worried as her. She jabbed Allen's elbow and, yet again, asked the same question she had been asking all night, "Where is she?"  
  
Allen groaned and straightened out his dark gray tuxedo jacket, "We still haven't heard from anyone, we sent out even more people to look for her."  
  
"Argh! Why is she doing this to us? We have hundreds of people waiting for her!" she covered her face and sighed, "Why haven't we been able to track her down?"  
  
"She's probably carrying something with her to distort the tracking signals."  
  
She murmured uneasily as she picked up a glass of red wine from the table, "Come on, KOS-MOS... Why are you doing this?"  
  
*~*~*  
  
"One more braid..." she undid the clear elastic band and threw it into the tiny pile she had made from the other braids. It also contained a couple of off-white hair clips. Finally, her long cerulean hair was set free, as she saw it. She despised having it put up and fancily styled with bottomless pits of gels and sprays. Though it was down now, it still had crimps, kinks, and stiff strands of hair that reeked of hair spray. It was a mess, but as long as it wasn't up she was satisfied.  
  
She wished the other thing that bugged her could be removed as easily as the elastic bands and clips, it was her dress. Sure, she could just take it off, but not only would that be inappropriate, she would freeze, as if she wasn't cold enough now. And she had no intention of going back inside. So she had to live with it. It was a white silk dress that didn't even cover her knees. Not only did she find the dress hideous, it clung to her and had to be a couple sizes too small. She found it creeping up her legs numerous times on the walk here. Oh, and her shoes, two and a half inch pumps, murder!  
  
From slaying Gnosis to cursing shoes, my, how you've grown.  
  
She knew everyone was expecting her. She was aware of the hundreds of people gathered in a ballroom just to see her and perhaps even have the chance to speak with her. Just the thought of that... she hated it more than the hair, the dress, and the shoes combined. But, it was inevitable. Someone was going to find her and bring her straight to the party then everyone would stare at her and rush to the front of the crowd to talk to her. She just wanted this night to end. She wanted to crawl underneath the sheets of her newly-bought bed placed in her newly-hers room and sleep peacefully. But that wasn't going to happen, it was best she enjoyed the time she had before someone found her.  
  
Two years of uninterrupted sleep, what she once thought of as unceasing slumber. A dream lasting two years, the dream she remembered so little of. But something about it was so... pleasant, so calming, and it all felt so real. She still remembered the last words she heard before the dream begun, they were whispered almost silently into her ear as she was held. "You'll wake up human... I can't wait to speak with you again." ... Who said that? Who was that? Why couldn't she remember? She had considered actually going to the party so she could speak with people, hoping to hear that voice. The calm, sweet-sounding voice of a man. The words he spoke to her, they were the last she heard. After that she felt dizzy and tired, with the memory she had she believed she fainted in his arms. No... she just forgot everything afterwards.  
  
Two years of operations, a conversion from machine to human. Blood running through veins that were once wires and metals. A beating heart beneath her chest, a fertile womb to fill the void that once was. But she wasn't human, her brain was still considered just a place for data to be stored, a collection of zeroes and ones. And so much of her memory was lost in the process, all that was left were bits and pieces of everything before those words. Pieces that belonged to something much greater, something she tried so hard to remember. It was a fruitless effort, but she never stopped.  
  
Who was the man who held her and spoke softly to her? Was this emptiness inside her going to drive her to tears? She was able to cry now, after all.  
  
So she laid back on the cold metals of the Elsa's deck, staring at the stars above her, searching for what would fill that emptiness.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Beep-Beep-BEEP! Beep-Beep-BEEP! Beep-- he pulled out his pager and halted the simple digital melody, moving it around until he could read the message clearly. It was late and the lights were dim. Just another reminder to call ASAP if he had found her. Sighing he continued to search the many corridors of the ship he once worked in. He had been keeping a relatively swift pace up until now, when he was standing in the maintenance room. Three years ago he stood here, smiling as he watched the angelic android deep in slumber. He still remembered everything so clearly, he could still feel her silky skin against his fingertips and her soft lips against his. He still didn't know exactly what drove him to kiss her in her sleep. Was he trying to heal the pain of knowing that while she was awake he could not? Of course, he remembered she spoke to him later, put her hand against his cheek and didn't reject his hand atop hers. He had fallen in love with her, fallen in love with someone he could never be with. It didn't matter to him, he still loved her. He had been waiting for this night for two years, he thought now... now that she was human, his love could be returned. But she didn't show up, he couldn't see her. He even bought her a present, a single beautiful red rose... rare and expensive at this time of year, in December. With the money he had spent on the one flower he could've given her a dozen yellow or pink roses, along with some baby's breath to compliment the bouquet. But it wasn't enough, yellow and pink signified friendship, red roses meant love.  
  
Putting his memories aside, he continued his search of the Elsa.  
  
*~*~*  
  
It was no use, the memory was gone, and the fragments left were useless. She sat up and sighed while moving her hair out of her face and behind her ears. She pulled up one knee to her chest and gazed at the vast nothingness past the horizon.  
  
"Who are you?" she whispered quietly to the silence, to the nothingness, "Why aren't you here? You should be here." she stood up, something was hastily welling up inside of her, "Why haven't I seen you? Why..." it was anger, and she snapped, "Why aren't you answering me!? Who are you!?"  
  
She was silent for a few moments, waiting for a reply. She didn't expect beeping. Yelling wasn't the smartest thing to do, someone was bound to hear her. When she turned around the beeping from his pager had ceased. It remained in his hand, he could notify Shion that he had found her quickly and easily, then bring her to the party. This was inevitable, but right now, at this moment, she wanted to be as far away from all those people more than ever before.  
  
With the mere press of a button his work would be done, she was aware this search was a paying job. Yet... he just stood there, looking at her. Her hair tangled, her dress wrinkled, her shoes absent. She thought for a moment if he wasn't sure this was the girl he was looking for. But he smiled and walked towards her, "KOS-MOS--"  
  
"Please don't tell them I'm here," she pleaded, raising her voice so he could hear her from the short distance, "I can get the reward money for you, just don't tell them I'm here."  
  
"What?" he walked closer, "KOS-MOS, I--"  
  
"I am willing to pay you double the ammount you have been promised," her voice became less of a plead and more of an order, "You cannot bring me back there!"  
  
He was just going to give it one more try, even though he knew the second he begun talking he would be interrupted. He couldn't help himself, "KOS-MOS, listen--"  
  
"What more could you want!?" this was one question she asked this night where she demanded an answer.  
  
It was because he had the pager, she knew he could call Shion and get this over with. Maybe he could get her to calm down if he got rid of it. He put it down and walked up to her, "... I want to speak with you."  
  
It was the first complete sentence she had let him say. It felt like something stabbed her, a great flood of emotions. Somehow she had managed to keep a straight face and a strong voice, since many people would've said this tonight, "... You're... You're not going to bring me back?" A little glimmer of hope made her ask this.  
  
He wanted to say yes, so she would be happy. He wanted to so badly... but he couldn't, "I'm sorry," the glimmer was gone, completely eclipsed. He couldn't stand it, he knew she hated him now. She was facing away from him, she wouldn't even look at him! He was regretting volunteering to search the Elsa, "Can I... just ask you one question?"  
  
She crossed her arms, "... Yes?"  
  
"Why don't you want to go? Everyone would be so happy to see you!"  
  
"You just answered your own question," she didn't even have to turn around to see his confused expression, "If a crowd of people gawk at me and it makes them happy, I'd rather just dissapoint them."  
  
"That wasn't what I meant, KOS-MOS--"  
  
"Why do you keep calling me that? It's rude if you don't introduce yourself!"  
  
He froze, did she just say that? Why would she say that? She couldn't have said that! "You're kidding, right?"  
  
"I don't kid, who are you?"  
  
No, this wasn't right! How could the person that he's been in love with for the last three years, two of which he couldn't even see her, just forget him? He had been told she had suffered minor memory loss, but how could she forget his name!? "KOS-MOS!" He grabbed her shoulder and turned her around to face him, "It's me, chaos! Why don't you remember me?"  
  
"chaos..." she was hushed for a little while. chaos had thought she was thinking, remembering him, finally coming to, "... don't touch me," she escaped his grip and crossed her arms again. She sat down on the deck, returning to her original spot and facing away from him again, "Either call Shion or leave."  
  
There was just one thing left to do, one last resort to get her to listen to him. He took the single crimson rose out of his jacket, then spoke quietly, "So we finally meet..."   
  
She didn't know why, but this caught her attention. He was staring out into the distance, not facing her, as she was just now. But, unlike her, when he turned to see her he was smiling. He walked up beside her and sat down, offering her the rose. She did nothing for awhile, then slowly, shakily, with an unsure look on her face she reached for the flower. Their hands met for a moment, something was so calming about his touch. The warmth of his hands felt wonderful, and brought forth waves of nostalgia. She held the rose in one hand and out of instinct ran her fingers down the side of his face. Something felt so... familiar, so right. Reanacting one of his favorite memories, he gently put his hand atop hers, lacing his fingers through hers. Ruby eyes falling deep into jade. Everything was just as it should be, the world was at peace and all was calm and still.  
  
"chaos..." she recognized the name, she remembered it now, "... I remember this..." she collapsed into his arms, burying her head in his shoulder. She felt horrible, she was so cold to him, even more than when she couldn't feel. Her eyes stung a bit, then they felt moist. Both her body and voice were weak, "I'm so sorry."  
  
She wept in his arms, and yet he couldn't say a word. She had changed so much, but he could understand why she was upset. She had forgotten so much. Just moments ago his feelings had diminished greatly, he thought they would never be the same again. KOS-MOS was just... too different, she refused to hear him out and wouldn't dare try to remember him. But her touch was still exactly the same, he knew she had remembered that moment. His love for her was even greater. He exhaled and tried his best to comfort her, "Don't be, it's all right."  
  
He felt her clutch onto his jacket, chaos hated seeing her like this. He had never seen her with a joyful expression, not even now, but the eternal blank expression was better than this. He understood better why she didn't want to go, she was miserable! She didn't want to make be cheerful by lettting them converse with her of her humanity, her mortality, her unending pain. Her yells, her pleads, her anger, her depression, her hatred and her tears. Was this what made her human?  
  
"If you don't want to go, you won't, all right...?" he held her closer, trying to comfort her in this soft embrace. The quiet tears had ended.  
  
She turned her head to the side so she wouldn't mumble, "Shion will be... angry," she put her hands on his shoulders and propped herself up. Her eyes were red from the tears, "With you too. I cannot lie to her if she asks me any questions."  
  
Yeah, that's right... he didn't really worry that much about getting in trouble, he started to think now of the trouble KOS-MOS would land into. She knew very well how important this night was to Shion and her co-workers, they'd lose a great deal of reputation is she wasn't there. They weren't there for the food, wine or music, they were there for the android-turned-human! chaos got up from the cold metal roof pulling KOS-MOS up with her. A magnificiant night sky with stars providing light throughout the dark ocean above them, standing alone hand in hand, their eyes never leaving sight of each other. Had this been under better circumstances, this would be the perfect moment he had longed for. Just a trifle off of perfection... it was good enough, more than enough, "All right... do you want to go wash up? I know you've been through worse than this."  
  
He was right, she couldn't recall a time worse than this at the moment, but she knew he was right. Everything would be okay if he stayed close by, she would survive this night and be able to sleep easily. Something was finally right with this day. It was a quick healing to the pain she had felt and would feel, but it worked. Something out of her humanity felt good, mending the tear inside of her. Whatever it was, it didn't fill the void... it was one of the pieces left behind.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"It's almost ten..." Ms. Danier didn't seem irritated with the fact everyone was expecting KOS-MOS almost an hour ago, in fact, she seemed glad. Of course, the later she would show up the juicier the gossip would get. It was her instincts that told her she would have a lot to talk about by tommorow. Still, patience wasn't one of the few virtues she had.  
  
"If she doesn't show up soon... I'm leaving!" Anthony Klein, Nina's assosciate and one of the scarce people that could stand the woman joined the crowd, "Vector cannot be serious, making us wait like this!"  
  
She twisted whisps of her auburn hair and she looked around for one of the waiters, she called over the nearest one with drinks. From the platter she selected a glass of champagne and sent him away. The cold glass met her lips for a moment, until she saw something from the corner of her eye... a somewhat relieved somewhat furious chief engineer near one of the entrances talking to a rather calm blue-haired girl standing mere inches away from a man many would find attractive. The slightly messy hair and the taste of her champagne added to the jackpot she thought she had found.  
  
*~*~*  
  
She had counted greeting over 300 people that night. 300 "hello's," 300 "nice to meet you's," 300 smiles as fake as the chests on four of the women she spoke to. The second happiest moment of her life thus far was getting out of those ridiculous clothes and putting on her light blue nightgown and black cotton robe.  
  
Shion had announced that, to bring KOS-MOS up to her full potential, she would be taught by the finest, in the city's most prestigious university. Of course, along with the memories, data had been lost as well. She wished to return the knowledge, and replace the battle statistics and strategy with the arts. For the next couple of years she would be schooled in Literature, Advanced Arithmetic, Physics, Latin, German, Drama, History, Geography, the Culinary Arts, and a few other courses with as much useless information as the others. She didn't want to spend all day stuck in a classroom, she was certain that couldn't be living.  
  
KOS-MOS was amazed at how Shion managed to keep all that anger bottled up until they got back to Vector Headquarters. How she managed to keep hell in that bottle, no one would ever know. She got screamed at, but fortunately didn't get a serious punishment; just the grounding and the endless list of chores she never received from the childhood she never had.  
  
She finally had the chance to see her room, and she was disappointed at first sight of it. Her favorite part of the room had to be the entrance, which had a small stairway leading up to the rest of the room. Her bed was in the north-western corner, gray sheets lying neatly atop it. Next to the bed was a small, almost empty dresser and her equally empty closet. In the north-east corner was her desk with a mirror and lamp, next to her shelf with a comfortable chair on the west wall. The room was huge... and empty. She wasn't sure what to expect, but she anticipated better. Nonetheless, this was her bedroom, not the "Maintenance Room."  
  
She sighed and untied her robe belt, managing to slide the sleeves half off her arms as she heard a knock at the door, "Come in," as she had expected, and hoped for, it was the silver-haired man who convinced her to get through this night. A smile grazed her lips, even if only for an instant.  
  
"I need to apologize for my behavior earlier, Shion should deal with that by next week," she bowed her head down, waiting for a reply.  
  
To chaos, that just meant more time he couldn't spend with her; it was just more wasted time. After all, all the classes and studying would easily take up any free time she had, "I just came by to see how you were doing..." in the middle of the night miles away from the Elsa, but neither of them would notice that until they parted.  
  
She raised her head and walked up to the stairs, "I'm all right," she leaned on the railing, letting her long hair flood over it. She had now just noticed he had changed from the formal clothes she had seen him in earlier. Obviously, he had hastily thrown on a white T-shirt with a button or two undone, and a pair of dark pants. A black jacket was held in his arms. He looked much better this way, more carefree.  
  
"I'm sorry I came by so late, you were going to sleep?" he assumed this because of her attire, the baby-blue nightgown. She nodded, "All right, I should be going anyway," he put on his jacket quickly.  
  
"Sleep well," the almost silent farewell escaped her lips. Those same lips formed a smile that could melt hearts.  
  
His hope was completely restored, this moment finally made him believe that all those dreams could come true. He was the only one she was really smiling at that night.  
  
"Good night, KOS-MOS."  
  
Just after he left, she allowed her robe to slide off. She then let it hang on the railing. She put her hair behind her ears as she walked to her bed and kneeled down beside it. She had been taught to pray every night before going to sleep. Since she had disobeyed many orders this night, it was worth listening to something.  
  
"Lord," she whispered as she put her hands together, "... I don't know what to say... I'm just barely a day old... but I can walk, I can speak... Just look at me. I'm supposed to be human... but I have no parents, no childhood... nothing!" she sighed, "What makes me human?" she shook her head, trying to get rid of those thoughts, "I apologize, I am supposed to be thanking you..." she felt that smile return to her as she thought of exactly what she was going to say, yet it was left unspoken. He knew she was smiling only for one thing.  
  
"Amen," she said as she scurried under her covers and drifted in sleep.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
There is it, Chapter One of Roses For December, my huge project that I'll actually finish!! ... Eventually... Review!! I worked so hard!!  
  
Even if I did make a spelling/grammar mistake... don't tell me... I proofread this so many times... if you tell me, I will hurt you... badly.  
  
*shakes head* I hope you enjoyed!  
  
Katrina B. ---- That's right... no more MZF!! O_O 


End file.
